3 Methods for helping kids and teens manage Holiday stress

[fusion_dropcap boxed="yes" boxed_radius="0" class="fusion-content-tb-dropcap"]T[/fusion_dropcap]he weather is getting colder, the days are getting shorter and the holiday decorations are already on sale at every major retailer. At the same time, stress is also starting to build. Families are starting to plan travel, decide who is hosting which holiday and beginning to budget for holiday gifts. There is no denying that the holidays are a stressful time for us all, but this season can be a particularly triggering time when it comes to mental health for kids and teens. 

 Even if children don’t share that they are stressed or feeling sad during the holiday season, we should acknowledge that they may be feeling this way. During this time of year, family is often synonymous with home; and when a child finds themselves spending more time at home than normal, their family situation is amplified. On top of that, schedules are often hectic during the holidays as they’re forced to navigate family gatherings, holiday parties, school commitments and more. To help ensure the holidays don’t have a negative impact, parents must make the extra effort to safeguard their child’s mental health.

 

Don’t Force Quality Time

The holidays can be busier than any other time of year, but they also present an opportunity to have a larger quantity of quality time with our children. Stopping, slowing down, and making a concerted effort to be present can go a long way in helping a child feel safe and supported when they are stressed. We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to create special family moments during the holidays. The meal has to be just right, the gifts have to be perfect, even if a family is financially stressed, and meeting all of these silent expectations put entire households on edge. That can be a tinder box waiting for a spark and at times like this it is important to stop, slow down and be present for our kids. 

 

Instead of striving to spend as much time with our kids as possible, because holiday time is “family time,” parents should seek to schedule dedicated time to connect with their children outside of the holiday hustle and bustle. The special moments we strive to experience with our kids during those forced “perfect” holiday moments will likely occur more naturally as a byproduct of the time we take to simply be present amongst our family. 

 

Of course, as with all things in life, there must be balance. While parents should strive to spend time with their kids, it is possible that an extreme amount of time together may overstimulate kids and create a new form of stress. To keep that from happening, be sure you’re giving them the space and time needed to decompress so they can come back to the family refreshed and relaxed.

 

It doesn’t hurt to prepare for these moments by intentionally scheduling family time before the holidays hit. Start by doing this after dinner a few times a week. Try asking your kids open ended questions about how they’re feeling ahead of the holidays, finding out what helps them relax when they are stressed and using the time to practice being present and in the moment. Starting with a bit of practice can help make quality time much easier to achieve in the height of the holiday chaos.

 

Prepare Kids for the Day Before it Starts

Speaking of practicing and preparing, the holidays are a time when everything is amplified: love, frustration, loneliness and resentment among many other feelings. It is important to be aware of and take stock of your child’s triggers, insecurities and anxieties. After doing so, plan your family’s schedule accordingly. To do this, practice forecasting and frontloading for your children.

 

Forecasting means giving your kids a heads up on the agenda for the day so that they can mentally prepare for the novelty of this different routine. Setting the scene for an abnormal routine can help prevent unintended consequences from big surprises during the day.

 

Frontloading helps to prepare kids for moments that may be triggering to them. As an example, if you have a child that gets jealous and resentful of their sibling, sit down with that child and check in with them knowing that holiday plans will likely trigger those negative behaviors. Actively checking in with your kids multiple times during the holidays lets them know you are a safe space to go when they start to feel those negative behaviors creeping up. Preparing your kids for these triggers can help them put more energy into combating them and hopefully results in a more positive experience during those situations.

 

Push Beyond One-Word Answers

These efforts to prepare kids in advance will only work if you’re able to bypass their defenses. One of the most common defenses are FOG words. Have you ever asked a child, “How are you?,” and received the response, “Fine,” “Ok,” or “Good?” These are FOG words. To see through the fog and get past the one-word response, ask your child open-ended questions like, “What activities are you looking forward to during your break from school?” If they still respond with FOG words, don’t give up – work to communicate with your kids in different ways to push past those words. 

 

Young people sometimes struggle with the right vocabulary to describe their feelings, so texting may be a less stressful way to express themselves. Parents can also write notes to their kids and encourage them to write back. Notes can be a great option because kids can save them and look at them again and again. Communicating with your kids can be a bit of trial and error, but when you find the method that clicks, a whole new world opens in your relationship.

 

Kids deserve our help and support and to not be afraid of their thoughts. Implementing some of these strategies can be a great start to helping your child feel safe and supported during a stressful holiday season. However, if the anxiety and depression you notice in your child lasts beyond the holidays, don’t hesitate to reach out for help from experts. Choose Mental Health is a stigma-free space to explore, communicate and get answers on how to solve mental health problems in our youth. We offer a library of resources for parents and provides resources for families including a network of providers to address even the most complex cases. 

 

Tony Mosier, MFT, is a Co-Founder of Choose Mental Health, a nonprofit leader in youth mental health advocacy that provides scholarships, resources and education to families in need of mental health care. Through its network of providers, they connect families with the resources, clinical care, and financial assistance to end the youth mental health crisis.