[fusion_dropcap boxed="yes" boxed_radius="0" class="fusion-content-tb-dropcap"]I[/fusion_dropcap]n recent years, there has been a noticeable shift in young people’s ability to persevere through hardship. This shift has manifested in several ways, including delaying getting their driver’s license, lower tolerance to stick with undesirable or difficult jobs, challenges in navigating mental difficulties, and more. 

Consider Parker, a 16-year-old high school student who’s eager to get more involved in athletics. Encouraged by his father to join the soccer team, Parker eagerly dives into the sport. However, when faced with the challenges of intense practices and tough competition, Parker becomes overwhelmed and expresses a desire to quit. Despite his father’s initial resistance, wanting to spare his son from discomfort, he reluctantly allows Parker to drop out. This pattern repeats itself when Parker encounters difficulties in his math class, leading his father to intervene and request a transfer to an easier course. Unwittingly, his father’s well-meaning actions teach Parker that it’s acceptable to give up when things get tough, depriving him of the opportunity to develop resilience in the face of adversity.  

This scenario is becoming all too common for parents today.    

Fostering resilience in young people is critical to promoting their mental health, well-being and overall success in navigating life’s challenges. So, what can be done to begin rebuilding resilience among today’s youth? Read on to find out. 

Parents play a leading role in their child’s resilience (or lack thereof) 

“I don’t think enough parents realize that the way that they are loving their kids is also cutting their legs off from underneath them,” says Kylee Shields, licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), current Clinical Director at the Malouf Foundation and former life skills & executive functioning director at Telos, a Choose Mental Health Program Partner.

Helicopter Parenting 

According to Shields, one significant factor contributing to diminished resilience is the phenomenon of helicopter parenting, or excessive involvement and control by parents in their children’s lives. Helicopter parenting looks different in different stages of life, but typically applies to parents who help their children with tasks that the children are perfectly capable of handling on their own. In toddlerhood, this can look like constantly shadowing the child and directing their behavior, allowing them no alone time. In elementary school, a helicopter parent might provide disproportionate help with homework or school projects. In high school or college, helicopter parenting can be calling the child’s professor about bad grades or arranging their class schedule.  

As people transition from childhood into adulthood, there are certain challenges that they must face along the way as a part of healthy mental development. Overcoming challenges, such as getting a driver’s license, persisting through a difficult class, or competing in a sport, helps the child become confident in their ability to do difficult things.  

Permissive Parenting 

In addition to providing too much support, parents can also be tempted to allow their children to give up too quickly. True resilience, however, involves persisting through things, even when they get difficult. If a child is enrolled in a sport, learning a music lesson, or some other activity, try to keep them involved for an extended period. As Neuroscience Trainer Kathryn Berkett puts it in an interview with Sport NZ, “It takes a lot of time and practice to develop resilience”. Even if the child has lost interest in the activity, persevering through something difficult will make it easier for them to handle hardship in the future.  

The absence of clear boundaries and consequences further contributes to reduced resilience. When parents fail to enforce limits or hold their children accountable for their actions, it results in a lack of understanding about the consequences of crossing boundaries. This deficiency in understanding can extend into adulthood, where individuals may struggle to navigate expectations due to the absence of early lessons in accountability. When a boundary is crossed, or a rule is broken, repercussions should follow. Understanding the gravity of one’s action or inaction will help promote responsible decision making in the future.  

“No relationship, no organization, no team can work without boundaries. You’ve got to be willing to set and enforce boundaries with your children to set them up for future success.” -Kylee Shields, LCSW 

Technology 

The digital age introduces new challenges that many parents today may be unfamiliar with. While technology exists to make human life more convenient, many digital technologies go above and beyond, providing users with a low-risk, high-reward environment that hampers the development of resilience.  

Social Media 

Social media platforms and dating apps, for instance, allow individuals to experience elevated levels of dopamine through instant engagement and positive reinforcement. Scrolling through a curated feed or receiving attention and validation online can induce a quick and intense sense of satisfaction, contributing to a reduced tolerance for delayed gratification. This constant exposure to immediate rewards creates a skewed perception of success, where accomplishment is measured by instantaneous feedback rather than long-term effort and perseverance. 

Video Games 

Video games contribute to this phenomenon by allowing players to enjoy a sense of accomplishment within a safe, controlled virtual environment. Winning competitions or completing tasks in a video game can trigger a surge of dopamine in the brain that reflects real-world achievement without real-world risk. As Ratic puts it in their blog, How to Make Your Mobile Game Addictive: A Step-by-Step Guide, part of what makes video games so addicting is their “capacity to appeal to our primal human urges for accomplishment, rivalry, and social interaction.” Ratic goes on to explain that the human brain is hardwired to seek rewards and that game designers leverage this feature of human nature by including components that activate the reward system in our brain. This prolonged exposure to reward in a risk-free, virtual environment may hinder the development of resilience by sheltering individuals from the valuable experience of facing real-world risk and overcoming fear. 

Explicit Content 

Additionally, the easy accessibility of explicit content, such as pornography, presents a significant challenge. This content provides intense pleasure without the need for the emotional investment, vulnerability, or challenges associated with real-world relationships. As a result, individuals may develop a preference for immediate pleasure over the resilience-building process of navigating complex, real-life emotional connections. 

Reduced Downtime 

Furthermore, constant engagement with digital devices throughout the day minimizes downtime. With smartphones and other devices readily available, individuals are rarely left alone with their thoughts or faced with unstimulated moments. The constant need for positive stimulation may hinder the cultivation of resilience, as enduring and persevering through periods of quiet contemplation or boredom becomes increasingly rare. 

How Parents Can Foster Resilience 

Ensure Kids Tackle Difficult Tasks 

“As parents, part of our job is to help our kids do hard things. We can’t allow them to give up when things get difficult,” says Shields. If overcoming difficulty is required for resilience, parents must actively encourage them to not only engage in challenging activities but persevere until the end. This involves parents helping to foster a mindset of perseverance and resilience, instilling the belief that facing difficulties is an integral part of personal growth. An easy way to do this would be to enroll them in sports or a music lesson. Keep in mind that every child is different. You know your child best, so tailor your approach accordingly.  

Set Clear Boundaries, Expectations, and Rewards 

Establishing clear expectations and consequences for breaking boundaries is crucial. Parents should provide a structured framework that defines acceptable behavior and delineates consequences for crossing boundaries. This helps children understand the cause-and-effect relationship between their actions and outcomes, cultivating a sense of responsibility and accountability. Additionally, children must learn the correlation between the desired outcome and hard work in order to develop a sense of responsibility and work ethic- both of which are essential in becoming an independent adult. 

Limit Screen Time 

Reducing constant screen time is vital for fostering resilience. Constant exposure to screens provides immediate gratification while hindering creativity and problem-solving abilities. As tempting as it may be to rely on screens to keep children occupied, parents should be proactive in setting limits. Reducing screen time allows children the space to develop independent thought, engage in imaginative play, and face moments of quiet contemplation without external stimuli. This deliberate reduction in constant stimulation contributes to the cultivation of a resilient mindset that can withstand the challenges of an unstimulated environment. 

Foster Executive Functioning Skills 

A critical aspect of resilience-building lies in nurturing executive functioning skills, which form the bedrock of critical thinking, problem-solving, planning, and decision-making. Parents can foster these skills by providing opportunities for their children to independently navigate tasks, make choices, and solve problems. Encouraging autonomy in decision-making helps children develop the self-regulation necessary for resilience. Additionally, engaging in activities that require planning and organizing enhances executive function, preparing children to face life’s complexities with confidence. By nurturing these skills, parents equip their children with the cognitive tools essential for overcoming challenges and developing resilience. 

Parents play a critical role in reversing the decline in youth resilience. To set the next generation up for success, it is imperative to allow them to endure difficulties. As Shields explains, “Parents have got to be more boundary-oriented and less friend-oriented. You’ve got to put more emphasis on being the keeper of your kid’s resilience rather than the keeper of having a good, happy relationship. You’ve got to be better at having healthy conflict with your kid instead of walking on eggshells.”  

By embracing this approach, parents can contribute to a generation equipped to face life’s challenges with resilience and determination. 

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Choose Mental Health is changing nationally the approach to youth mental health. We offer a vast network of mental health providers and resources to help parents struggling with the mental health of their children. Visit choosementalhealth.org today to learn more.